Jetlag in Review

Dec 22: Leave Guam at 6am. Wake up at 4 something. Go to bed the night before at 1. Travel and sleep randomly for the next 24 hours. Arrive in Hawaii on the 21 and then in Newark on the 22.

Dec. 22: Sleep from 7:30-11:30. Wake up and hang out on Facebook all night and all morning, until everyone else gets up at 9 or so.  

Dec. 23: Nap from 1-3. 4. 5. wake up around 6 to eat. Go to bed at 4am and wake up at 8am.

Dec. 24: Nap from 1-4. to 5. to 5:30. OK finally up but halfway falling asleep. Christmas Eve, up until 2am. Wake up 6:30 for church.

Dec. 25. Bed at 4am. again.

Dec. 26. Bed at 10. Full night's sleep. Thank goodness!

Dec. 27. Did I sleep? Oh yeah 2am-6am

Dec. 28. Bed at 9:45 and wake up at 4am, won't go back to bed.

Dec. 29. Slept on my aunt's couch- 8 hours of sleep but on a couch.

Dec 30- tonight: my goal: 8 hours of sleep, but it's almost 1 and I have to wake up by 9. New goal: bed as late as possible and sleep as late as possible.

I am ready to achieve normalcy.

One Year

It's been one year since I last diet blogged.

One thing that living outside of the mainland USA is that I have really been able to kick a lot of weight hangups. And, I'm the same weight as when I left a year and a half ago.


Of course my New Year's resolution is to finally kick my last 10-15, and I will be doing this with the same formula I had when I was diet blogging: a good mind set + accountability partners + awesome gym and workout ops.

My goal: before March. And, this is the only blog you'll see about it.

blog resolution for 2011

I will blog a whole lot more in 2011.

So far in the past month I've lost my camera (probably died for good) and my computer (for a week or two) and then after finals and traveling, I finally have some down time to update everyone on stuff.

So, right now, I'm in New Jersey and I am so excited to be here! It's freezing and I am battling some crazy jet lag. I went to bed around 7, woke up around 10:45, and now it's almost 2 am and I can't sleep. I'm listening to Stephen Armstrong sermons and playing cityville to pass time. I am excited about the next three weeks. I have some decisions to pray over and I think that's why God put it so strongly on my heart to be off of Guam and on the mainland. First things first, though- spend time with family, adjust to the time and temp, and get some good food.

Merry Christmas!

I'm typing up a speech on the Anabaptists and the Schleitheim Confession, something I never knew about until taking a seminary class on "How to Write Papers" and of course the topic is seminary "stuff." I loved writing about Church History, surprisingly, and even though I went into this topic blindly I found out some very interesting things about the Schleitheim Confession and Anabaptist movements.

I struggle with legalistic practices in churches and sacraments that people do out of habit instead of recognizing what they are symbolic of in their own faith. The Anabaptists, from what I understand, although agreeing with the 95 Thesis, saw some problems in the Reformation and wanted to make an impact on Christian culture, not just church culture (even though they should be related, they sometimes are not). I am not going to go into the seven areas that they tackle, some of which I highly agree with, some that I am not sure about, but I will say that this group drafted a document that cost them their lives to take a stand for ministring as Christ had, and not how legal and church figures saw fit. I want to live my life that way- looking to the cross and to Christ as the basis of my ministry.

The Anabaptists were considered radicals in their day, just as Jesus was (it's interesting that the term "radical" when relating to Jesus means extreme when Jesus just did what was right, what God would do), and as I want to do. Learning about these people brought me back to the book I recently read by David Platt, in which I did a quick online search and found these two quotes from it. May we be like Jesus in what we do:


"As long as you and I understand salvation as checking off a box to get to God, we will find ourselves in the meaningless sea of world religions that actually condemn the human race by exalting our supposed ability to get to God. On the other hand, when you and I realize that we are morally evil, dead in sin and deserving of God's wrath with no way out on our own, we begin to discover our desperation for Christ."


"The modern-day gospel says, 'God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Therefore, follow these steps, and you can be saved.' Meanwhile, the biblical gospel says, 'You are an enemy of God, dead in your sin, & in your present state of rebellion, you are not even able to see that you need life, much less to cause yourself to come to life. Therefore, you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life that you could never do."
Both quotes by David Platt, Radical

staycation

 Steph, (myself), and Sarah got away for a night on a staycation- a vacation without really going anywhere. We stayed at the Nikko Hotel on Guam, which I highly recommend, for an evening which mainly meant that we took advantage of the beautiful pool for all of the hours we were there when the sun was out.

In the evening we had dinner at Outback (thanks to a gift of a giftcard) and were surprised by our friends with s'mores and a bonfire on the beach adjacent to our hotel.

We were able to get away from our work and ministry for long enough to feel slightly refreshed and feel "away." I don't know why we didn't do this sooner. I think all three of us are ready to face our last three weeks before the break. It was a beautiful 24 hours that I'll gladly and thankfully repeat.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for friends and family, including the ones I got to spend two beautiful Thanksgiving dinners with (lunch + dinner). I think social gatherings involving food is mmm hmmm a really good idea. It makes the holidays away from other friends and family really special. Happy late Thanksgiving to you all, especially far from me.

Crazy Love

I love these girls, and what we get to do together. We're still working our way through Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan, and last Wednesday we got to escape to the Westin to have some coffee (and tea, and coke) and read through a chapter and a half of our book. We're getting deep into God's love and what it means to have a perfect Father and how the way we love Him just doesn't seem to do it. I'm convicted weekly and pray that I can lead this study while I have so much of my own stuff I'm working through. All I can say is that God has blessed me with a great group of girls and we're growing in His love through this. I am so thankful.

K2 photo highlights

Stephanie and Erten with a coconut.

Kevin husking coconuts. He's from Iowa. This is a lot different than the corn he's used to. hehe.

 Here are some pictures from our recent retreat. I hope to write up on this but there's a lot to share, so I wanted to get some pics out there first.

Leeman and his machete. He's kept it in his backpack before.

Jihee and Teisy helping set up the Holy Graffiti room.

Yos, Sou Sou and Xyanne helping prepare dinner.

Teisy, Sarah, and Jihee having snacks in some downtime. These three blessed me so much!

Yos and Sou Sou eating the food they helped prepare. We fed about 100 people for three days.

Anne and Steve in line. Steve is one of my favorite foodies and both are mentors to me.

Leeman leading worship. God really used him this weekend.

Kenny Clark, from La Mirada, Ca was our speaker for the retreat. He lead 4 services on what it means to be adopted into the family of Christ, and following Christ into a life of sacrifice.

After dinner and night service, we had rooms open for worship, healing, counseling, creative arts, etc. This is some of the wall of the Holy Graffiti room.

Jayleen adding to the wall.

Exhausted in the morning...the guys slept in the sanctuary.

just for fun, a giant slip n slide.

Benny Luke and Charles perform a song together. Benny Luke is Marshallese but translated the song into Chuukese and played with Charles, for Shema Cafe night.

Back on Track

I have not posted in forever. I haven't contacted my church in forever. I haven't done a lot of things that uphold my end of being out here in Guam, especially with my supporters. I will humbly admit that I am stressed, dealing with some big situations, have a lot on my plate, and have just been plain busy. 

Busy- I am convicted of that word. I am even too busy for God, and I hate it.

I am slacking off in reading my Bible, and I hate it.

I am blowing off some important students because I have to go tutor, which I have to, but I don't make time for them later. I just let things go. That's not me but it's resulting from something in me.

Many a thing unmentionable.  But God is BIG. Our problems are small.

Oh, and my room is a mess.

But, let me catch you up on some GOOD things.

I have a discipleship group of 3 girls who are amazing! We're growing together in scripture and in Francis Chan's Crazy Love. We are planning a missions trip with Sarah's group, prayerfully and hopefully to the Philippines. We're also praying to go serve in Chuuk together.

Teisy, Grace, and Javrin

God is moving hugely in student's lives. I have been able to be involed in 4 things that blessed our campus:

Staff lead chapel

Shema cafe (open mic night, one student came to know God)

K2 Campus Wide 3 day retreat

 Chapel again, theme of what it means to follow Christ

I will be posting on most of these in the next few days.

Sarah and me on our way back from a hike, way back

Oh, I have a great roommate, great friends out here, and I love my work. God has blessed me immensely. I really miss my family and friends back in the mainland...and if possible, I would love to catch up with everyone I have been missing. If you can, shoot me a message. I would love to hear from you in the midst of blessings and craziness.

Updates??

I haven't sent an email update in a LONG long time. I will do it this weekend. So much has been happening out here but I need to get it organized to update y'all.

Remembering my Grandpa

This past summer, I lost my grandfather. It was in the midst of a lot of difficult little things in Guam and I  couldn't fly back for the funeral. I was hoping he would live well into his 6 month expectancy so that I could see him when I was going back the next month, but he passed about two weeks after he was diagnosed. Maybe it was longer. Time is a more difficult concept out here.

My grandpa is my dad's father. They were so close. I have great memories of my grandfather and my dad together, and it makes me think about what I would do if I lost one of my own parents. This was my first close loss, and I don't really know think I handled it. Found out via Skype...was unwillingly counseled... cried...then had a glass of Cab with some McDonalds. A glass of wine is what I do with my family, and it was enjoyed in honor or memory of him (good advice that came out of the uninvited counseling).

Anyway, I remember my grandpa from my childhood. He always had red delicious apples hanging in a basket in the garage of their home in Connecticut. He taught me a few Polish words (all I really remember is my last name and "little table"). He was always into computers, even had an iPod years before me. He was an exec for GE and I found a signed note with a picture from the recent George Bush in his home office. Who was my this man?? I don't know about his work life or successes, even though through overheard testimony he had a successful worklife, but I do know that his smile would be the reason I'd want to spend time with him. My grandpa was never tired of learning or trying new things, though he did it with wisdom. He took classes on Apple computers. He once found a recipe for potato latkes in the newspaper and was making them when I stopped by unannounced. I know that he twisted copper wire into beautiful trees that he fastened to large stones. I have one now. 

It is hard being far away from loved ones, especially knowing they aren't doing so well. I'm not going to pretend otherwise.  I do know, however, that my grandpa believed and I will see him in heaven. I have that assurance. I pray my family has that peace as well. Even though we're all so far apart, there will be one day where we will never feel that again. That's part of my assurance too. I love being where God has me, and know that He will redeem the loss and suffering I feel as I focus on him. It's ok to miss my grandpa, and its ok to look back on experiences and regrets (of course we have them..not spending enough time, etc). Those things will be used for good eventually. I have a joy in knowing that even though I didn't get to say goodbye, I will just wait years before saying hello again.

Prayer and Fasting for October

PIU did something amazing to start off October, which I was blessed by and got to be a part of. Check out Dave's blog for the story.

Must Read

I just finished this book by David Platt- and I think it's a must-read for any American Christian looking for their purpose in Christ.As an American serving overseas, this past year has been a battle in separating that which is my culture and that which is Christ's culture. Unless we're removed from it, I am not sure we can really separate the two. Is the American Dream getting in the way? Are we aiming to please our culture or to please Christ?

David Platt writes that "God has designed our lives for a collision course with the world." Don't we want to be used to have an impact? I have a lot to say about this book, and a lot that I learned. When you read it, we'll discuss it.




I am linking the Amazon site to you- it's about ten dollars cheaper here than in the bookstore. I hope you're inspired, encouraged, and challenged.

Learning from our Dog

My roommate Sarah told me about "cat and dog theology", which seems to stem from A cat would say something along the lines of "I am great and that's why you treat me well" while a dog says "You are great that's why you are good to me."

I had the whole morning and early afternoon off, and decided to sleep in. When I woke up, I put on some shorts and a t shirt and took Bear outside as part of his morning routine. I was walking around with Him enjoying the only breeze I'd probably feel for the day, when I decided that after he did what he needed to do I would take him out. I wanted to go to one of our most beautiful war memorial parks, Asan Beach, and go for a jog while Bear could do whatever it is that dogs do.

After he finished with his business, I was walking back up to the apartment, expecting him to follow me. He didn't. Instead, he decided to sniff one bush in the middle of our complex. I was calling for him, but he wouldn't come. He wanted to, but he wanted to stay. He had one eye on me and one eye on the bush. I wanted him to hurry up so I could take him to a bigger and better place, but he had no idea. I couldn't communicate that to him, either, so I just walked over, put his leash on, and he gently followed me back.

We finally ended up at Asan. I think the short time we spent there made both of our mornings- I've never seen a happier dog then when we're outside playing. If we can do this for our pets, how much more can our Father do for us? He gives us good gifts, provides for us, and has something better in mind then we can often even imagine. He washes us of our filth and leads us to rest. Bear had no idea that we were going to the beach. No matter how much I called his name he kept one eye on the little bush he was smelling and the other eye on me. He had no idea.

When we talk about really focusing on Jesus, I think we talk about knowing that He knows what He's doing and that we can trust him to lead us. Sometimes He has to come get us while we have one eye on Him and one on the figurative bush. I want to obey my master in the same way that I want my dog to obey us- to know and trust us in what we do, to be disciplined when wrong, and to be guided into paths that please us. Bear is not capable of  having the kind of lifestyle he has without a rescuer, such as Sarah and myself. He would otherwise just be a street dog or have been put to sleep in the shelter where we got him from. Just as we are nothing without Christ, our rescuer. If we know this to be true, then why do we feel the need to keep one eye on Him, and one on the familiar, when we will be abundantly provided for beyond our measure of knowledge and means of control when we keep both on Christ? 

I came in to find...

my two students from one of my classes laying on the floor. "It's cooler down here"- yeah, it really is. I don't blame them.

If these were two girl students I (am not going to lie!) probably would have joined them. Between the weird weather changes, the mold, and being sick from whatever..flu, sinus infection, whatever is going around...I would love a day to just lay down on the cool tile floor and do nothing. Maybe I'll take this as a lesson for recovery from how my students spent their pre class minutes.

Oreo Fellowship

God convicted me to stay home today. I don't know why I need conviction for that (said sarcastically) but I am going to obey. My plan was to work out with Sarah, especially since I receive daily weight updates, and then go into the office early, but I am doing things a little differently.

I went to bed and woke up with a sore throat. I stayed up late, too, but for good reasons. When I woke up this morning, I estimated that I could have stayed in bed three more hours. Instead, I did my hair, played with my dog, and talked to my roommate. When I took Bear outside, I met a neighbor with two dogs who rescued his too. Man, something about having a dog really brings people together. This is important to me because both my roomie and I have a desire to minister to our neighbors and get to know them, and Bear makes it really easy to talk to people. He is so friendly and people are drawn to him. I never get those opportunities if I'm not home right? 

I was then going to organize my room, but I think that instead I'll call my mom. I'm making mac n cheese (organic shells and stuff, but still comfort food) and lentils for lunch, and taking Oreos and milk to campus today. Oreo fellowship? Yep- I'm so excited. Extra time in the office, extra time with the students, and extra time relaxing. I know that I'm supposed to do this, relax,  but I get so caught up sometimes even in really fun things. Even good stress is stress, good fun is still busy. There's so much blessing in taking time to refresh. 

Do you ever just get sick of seeing yourself, spending time with yourself, hearing yourself speak? Yeah, me too- I'm working my way out of that rut. I'm going to simply enjoy today, and see what God has to share with me.

Roaches, Bears, and Lions, and all of the blessings that come with

I'd have to say that James 1:2-4 has been on my heart a lot lately, and then it started appearing in places...prayer, Sunday school, Bible study, and I've noticed the places where God has been cultivating great things from otherwise unpleasant experiences. I'm going to tell you a story as a metaphor for what is happening in my life (inspired by another story I heard this evening), and I hope you catch on.

So, last year around this time, a roach crawled up through the drain of our bathtub and died (or so I thought) right there. My roommate at the time, who was (and still is) fearless with these things was staying with a girl she babysits for the weekend, and I pretty much needed to shower and couldn't do that with a roach in the tub. Anyway, I was hoping that when I got back someone would have somehow taken care of it. Well, when I got home, I had to deal with it because no one else did, and I really didn't want to. Worse, the roach was not really dead, it just managed to lay on its back (taking a nap??) for about 12+ hours. My other roommate gave me some tools and made me deal with it. I wasn't in any kind of place to deal with that kind of thing and I had no desire to. I looked at the experience of killing the roach as a gross one and some sort of island initiation.

A few months back, my new roommate Sarah and I moved into an apartment together. I had been praying for the entire year to have the feeling of having my own place again and I'm really pleased with the way things worked out. As a result, I have been wanting to face some challenges that I know will make me a stronger and more capable person living out here in Guam. One of the things I prayed for is to not be afraid of insects but to be able to deal with them. Well, that kind of thing seems to be a process. How do we get stronger? I believe there are two things: the Holy Spirit, and experience. I have had a few experiences with roaches and every time I have more peace about killing them and disposing of them, and the process becomes easier and more automatic. I used to never even kill anything using a shoe, and when I was in Chuuk I had to restrain myself from trying to kill innocent spiders outside in their own habitat.

At Bible study last night, we talked about David and Goliath. David said that he was prepared for Goliath from certain experiences such as going after lions and bears to rescue his sheep. When questioned/doubted,

 "David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock,  I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."" 1 Samuel 17:34-37 NIV

I doubt that David knew that these experiences would prepare him to attack a giant man in battle, but God knew all along that He was raising up a servant that would defy humanly expectations but completely glorify God in strength that was built from the heart outward. I know roaches aren't bears and lions, but to me, they are an example of what I feel like I'm up against, minimally, in an effort to serve, worship, and glorify our living God. They are filthy and every time I deal with one, I'm not really happy about it. It's not like I'm saving Christ's sheep, I'm just selfishly keeping my own space clean. David really went after what God gave him to honor and protect. Perhaps I'm honoring and protecting my place, but, seriously?

 James 1:2-4 says  ^"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ESV

Being able to handle island issues is part of my developing character living on an island. This and other issues, such as cultural ones and daily adjustments, will be used in my life in the long run. I'm not ashamed to say I'm learning how to kill these bugs. I am disappointed that I can write a lengthy blog on a minimal experience I had with an unimportant creature when I could have been sharing the truth of God's love and things He has been doing in my life instead. Last year, I had a lot to share yet really, nothing of depth to speak of other than the ways I saw God work in my life. Knowledge and understanding Him? I'm not sure I really had that to the capacity I could have. I also didn't go above and beyond in ways that would help me grow. I was stuck on adjustment and lost focus here and there.

Now, I know what I have to do and what God has called me to do.  I'm working on knowing God. I'm memorizing scripture, learning how to study more effectively, in Bible study(ies) and praying for my future in ways I never thought of. God is giving me knowledge and tools, slowing my speaking reactions, sharpening my listening and giving me models of godly character, just to name a few. I feel convicted left and right but it's all blessing. All of it. I know that God is moving in huge ways in my life and every trial, every struggle, I feel like I have prayed for in advance. Whether it's growing in menial ways around the house to tremendous excitement for furthering God's kingdom, I see Him working and making me usable.

Looking back at last year, I'd never want to relive it, but I am so thankful for the incredible blessings and the refining that have come from my experiences. I now fully understand the savign power of the gospel, as it has save me,  and I am valuing and pursuing prayer (alone and in group) more than ever. I am thankful for the roaches, lions, bears, and giants in my own life, and that I know that God use these things to complete a good work in me (Philippians 1:6) and allow me to grow spiritually mature (James 1:4). I'm so thankful that my focus has reshifted, and that God is starting to do these things in me. I couldn't do it without Him and I wouldn't be equipped without Him. Now, I know both presence and the protection (Ephesians 6:11-20, Hebrews 4:12) in Christ and am willing...craving...to go deeper. The pain and growth are blessings, and the lessons will be used whether I realize it or not later on in my life. For that, I'm so thankful, and to quote a song I can't get out of my head, "sweetly broken."

The long, muddy road

 

When I mentioned that I was getting ready to walk down the long, muddy road, I got a lot of interesting responses. I was being literal, though- I was really preparing to walk down it, drive down it, be driven down it . . . all of the potholes, the mud, the dust, everything that comes with one of the main roads of Weno, Chuuk. 

And now, I'm back on Guam soil. For some reason, 6 days just didn't seem like enough. I got to catch up just a little with some friends who've become family, teach some courses, and just hang out with the people there. I know that God has a purpose for my trip there, and I'm still praying about what He did or is doing. For me, it was amazing to be with some people I really love and get to share what Christ has gone in my life with the students.

So, here's the brief rundown:

I spent some time with my two little sisters- Resmy (left) and Trishianne.

I got to teach a bunch of these guys and girls at Mizpah Christian High School. I was given the juniors and seniors for English, and the seniors for computer class. My 45 minutes 3x a day wasn't enough for me, I could have spent hours with them again like I got to over the summer. It was hard for me to say goodbye after the week.

 

spent time with friends, new and old, alumni, and visited with a very special friend who was there from the states (we had no idea the other was going to be there)- I don't have pictures of her, and I wish I did.

  

On my last morning there, Meyou and I went to the high school to help clean. I didn't have enough time to help how I wanted to because of my afternoon flight, but I got to try to clean the windows after organizing the computer lab with Meyou. She is a PIU alumni and recently hired secretary at Mizpah. 

  

Before I left Chuuk, I had a few more opportunities to appreciate its beauty. Here's something I took while on the plane. I look forward to seeing this coming in again some day.

 

Guess where I'm going?

 Here's me where I will be in a week.

This will be a good thing. I think I do need a break, even if I will be working. I need a break from myself...I'm starting to annoy myself...I'm with myself too much.

I'm back in Guam

and tackling a million different things! Do you get my email updates? Maybe that sums a lot of it up.

Rev Run + Twitter

I now use my twitter to only really check out what Rev. Run has to say. He's awesome, follow him on revrunwisdom:

"There was a man who was complaining about having no shoes until he saw a man with no feet (keep a thankful mindset)" Rev Run and, of course I've heard this before.

It reminds me of the time I was in church and our pastor said we have to be the hands and feet. The man in front of me didn't have half his arm. I get the figurative, but when you see something else that unequally matches the statement, it defers you from the point. No arm? That's not fair for him. But he seemed wonderfully happy, with his wife and family. And here I am, single and moody.

Rev Run also twittered this: "Count your blessings, not your problems"

Every day I'm reminded of how blessed I am, even when I'm struggling, which has lately been every day for the last three or four months for sure. 


So then, this twitter thing:                      

"You don't drown becuz u fall in water,, u drown becuz u refuse 2 SWIM! #dont you dare give up!!!!! "

and

"When ur goin thru sum stuff hopefully that's exactly what ur doin, GOIN THRU IT! Not standin in it -Tyrese"

(why is a social networking site being a really good cheerleader?) 


I could go on making a bunch of excuses for things, complaining about things, defending bad behavior, feeling confused, and like so many people are mad at me, jealous, whatever, but I need to remember to stay focused, inspired, flexible, willing to change, and with my heart in God's hands.


"I repeat:: DO NOT let life drive u nuts! 1 min its the B.S & the next second its the B--EST! #lifesgood!"

Well said :)

Clams

This is probably the last poem I'll share that isn't of my own, for now. And no, I'm probably not going to share my own poems. These are some of the poems that I just can't get out of my head.

"What does this have to do with clams?
A feeling"

 

Clam Ode 

by Dean Young

One attempts to be significant on a grand scale
in the knockdown battle of life
but settles.
It is clammy today, meaning wet and gray,
not having a hard, calciferous shell.
I love the expression "happy as a clam,"
how it imparts buoyant emotion
to a rather, when you get down to it,
nonexpressive creature. In piles of ice
it awaits its doom pretty much the same
as on the ocean floor it awaits
life's bouquet and banquet and sexual joys.
Some barnacles we know are eggs dropped from outer space
but clams, who has a clue how they reproduce?
By trading clouds?
The Chinese thought them capable of prolonging life
while clams doubtlessly considered
the Chinese the opposite.
I remember the jawbreakers my dad would buy me
on the wharf at Stone Harbor, New Jersey;
every thirty seconds you'd take out
the one in your mouth
to check what color it turned.
What does this have to do with clams?
A feeling.
States of feeling, unlike the states of the upper midwest,
are difficult to name.
That is why music was invented
which caused a whole new slew of feelings
and is why since,
people have had more feelings than they know what to do with
so you can see it sorta backfired
like a fire extinguisher that turns out to be a flamethrower.
They look alike, don't they?
So if you're buying one be sure
you don't get the other,
the boys in the stockroom are stoners
who wear their pants falling down
and deserve their own Gulliver's Travels island.
The clam however remains calm.
Green is the color of the kelp it rests on
having a helluva wingding calm.
I am going to kill you in butter and white wine
so forgive me, great clam spirit,
join yourself to me through the emissary
of this al dente fettuccine
so I may be as qualmless and happy as you.

My major was creative writing, emphasis in poetry. One of my instructors introduced this poem to me and I thought I'd share it with you while I'm blogging a little on the subject.

The Shrinking, Lonesome Sestina

by Miller Williams 

Somewhere in everyone's head something points toward home,
 a dashboard's floating compass, turning all the time
 to keep from turning. It doesn't matter how we come
 to be wherever we are, someplace where nothing goes
 the way it went once, where nothing holds fast
 to where it belongs, or what you've risen or fallen to.

 What the bubble always points to,
 whether we notice it or not, is home.
 It may be true that if you move fast
 everything fades away, that given time
 and noise enough, every memory goes
 into the blackness, and if new ones come-

 small, mole-like memories that come
 to live in the furry dark-they, too,
 curl up and die. But Carol goes
 to high school now. John works at home
 what days he can to spend some time
 with Sue and the kids. He drives too fast.

 Ellen won't eat her breakfast.
 Your sister was going to come
 but didn't have the time.
 Some mornings at one or two
 or three I want you home
 a lot, but then it goes.

 It all goes.
 Hold on fast
 to thoughts of home
 when they come.
 They're going to
 less with time.

 Time
 goes
 too
 fast.
 Come
 home.

 Forgive me that. One time it wasn't fast.
 A myth goes that when the years come
 then you will, too. Me, I'll still be home.

    

Encyclopedia Definition: 

Sestina: an elaborate verse form employed by medieval Provençal and Italian,
and occasional modern, poets. It consist s, in its pure medieval form, of six
stanzas of blank verse, each of six lines -- hence the name. The final words
of the first stanza appear in varied order in the other five, the order used
by the Provençals being: abcdef, faebdc, cfdabe, ecbfad, deacfb, bdfeca.
Following these was a stanza of three lines, in which the six key words were
repeated in the middle and at the end of the lines, summarizing the poem or
dedicating it to some person.

Isaiah 43

But now, this is what the LORD says—
       he who created you, O Jacob,
       he who formed you, O Israel:
       "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
       I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

(How great is our God? How we fail in our lives constantly- in our time with Him, within our relationships- family, friends, coworkers, etc, and God is still guiding us for His purpose, protecting us, watching over us, and renewing us every single day.)

 ² When you pass through the waters,
       I will be with you;
       and when you pass through the rivers,
       they will not sweep over you.
       When you walk through the fire,
       you will not be burned;
       the flames will not set you ablaze.

 ³ For I am the LORD, your God,
       the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
       I give Egypt for your ransom,
       Cush and Seba in your stead.

 ⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
       and because I love you,
       I will give men in exchange for you,
       and people in exchange for your life.

 ⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
       I will bring your children from the east
       and gather you from the west.

 ⁶ I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
       and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
       Bring my sons from afar
       and my daughters from the ends of the earth-

 ⁷ everyone who is called by my name,
       whom I created for my glory,
       whom I formed and made."

 ⁸ Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
       who have ears but are deaf.

 ⁹ All the nations gather together
       and the peoples assemble.
       Which of them foretold this
       and proclaimed to us the former things?
       Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
       so that others may hear and say, "It is true."

 ¹⁰ "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
       "and my servant whom I have chosen,
       so that you may know and believe me
       and understand that I am he.
       Before me no god was formed,
       nor will there be one after me.

 ¹¹ I, even I, am the LORD,
       and apart from me there is no savior.

 ¹² I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
       I, and not some foreign god among you.
       You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.

 ¹³ Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
       No one can deliver out of my hand.
       When I act, who can reverse it?"

I spend so much time in Isaiah's poetry. It reminds me that I am valuable to God. We are valuable to Him....

so unworthy, but He is worthy.

foodie friend adventures, west coast to east coast

I got to catch up with some cool friends over the past week who weren't where I left them last time! (Not to mention, family, too). This whirlwind trip has been very cool and I am definitely gaining weight. Don't let any of my pictures deceive you- my friends and fam are making me fat, and it's all good because I still work out and I'm going back to Micronesia ;)

 

L-R  Haley, Liz, me. Haley is my friend from rock climbing and foodie adventures in so. Cal. All around great girlfriend. Liz is my sister up near Seattle, and then there's me. Haley and Liz live in the same area now so I got to visit them in Washington. Woo hoo!

 

Alex and Angela...in NYC with my cousin Julia and me. Alex is my friend from So. Cal who I saw last week there and will see next week when I get back. Angela is his girlfriend, living in Maryland. We all converged in NYC for rice pudding.

 

Julia eating some amazing lunch leftovers on the train, on our way back to Fairfield, CT to hang with our family.

 

Then my mom and I got some NY style pizza on our way back to Jersey at Country Pizza, a little place that my dad's dad used to take me to when he was alive. I didn't know that last summer was the last time I'd get to see him, so eating there without him was a little emotional for me (and my mom) but we really enjoyed our time together. I loved being able to do something in memory of him, and I'm not gonna lie- the food's amazing.

(thin crust+meatballs+broccoli+black olives=mmmm)

I have a few more food adventures planned along the way too- I think mixing friends, family, and good eats is priceless time together.If you had to catch up with a bunch of great people, is there any other way to do it then breaking bread together?

"We must be global Christians with a global vision because our God is a global God." — John Stott

I stumbled upon some awesome quotes tonight while looking for encouragement... and you can find more here!

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" — John Keith Falconer

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." — C.T. Studd

"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God" — William Carey, who is called the father of modern missions

"To know the will of God, we need an open Bible and an open map." — William Carey, pioneer missionary to India

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" — David Livingstone

"Sympathy is no substitute for action." — David Livingstone, missionary to Africa

"The Bible is not the basis of missions; missions is the basis of the Bible" — Ralph Winter, missiologist

"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell; I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell." — C.T. S

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." — C.T. Studd

"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd

"Any church that is not seriously involved in helping fulfill the Great Commission has forfeited its biblical right to exist." — Oswald J. Smith

"The mission of the church is missions" — Oswald J. Smith

"In our lifetime, wouldn't it be sad if we spent more time washing dishes or swatting flies or mowing the yard or watching television than praying for world missions?" — Dave Davidson

"Let my heart be broken with the things that break God's heart" — Bob Pierce, World Vision founder

"No reserves. No retreats. No regrets" — William Borden

"Our God of Grace often gives us a second chance, but there is no second chance to harvest a ripe crop." — Kurt von Schleicher

"Missions is the overflow of our delight in God because missions is the overflow of God's delight in being God." --John Piper

"Go, send, or disobey." — John Piper

"You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving." — Amy Carmichael, missionary to India

"Only as the church fulfills her missionary obligation does she justify her existence." — Unknown

"The command has been to 'go,' but we have stayed — in body, gifts, prayer and influence. He has asked us to be witnesses unto the uttermost parts of the earth ... but 99% of Christians have kept puttering around in the homeland." — Robert Savage, Latin American Mission

"People who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our

lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives ... and when the bubble has burst, they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted." — Nate Saint, missionary martyr 

The mark of a great church is not its seating capacity, but its sending capacity." — Mike Stachura

"If God's love is for anybody anywhere, it's for everybody everywhere." — Edward Lawlor, Nazarene General Superintendent

"Never pity missionaries; envy them. They are where the real action is — where life and death, sin and grace, Heaven and Hell converge." — Robert C. Shannon

"What's your dream and to what corner of the missions world will it take you?" — Eleanor Roat, missions mobilizer

"We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer." — Wesley Duewel, head of OMS International

"Love is the root of missions; sacrifice is the fruit of missions" — Roderick Davis

"If you take missions out of the Bible, you won't have anything left but the covers" — Nina Gunter

"The average pastor views his church as a local church with a missions program; while he ought to realize that if he is in fact pastoring a church, it is to be a global church with a missions purpose." — Unknown

"Prayer is the mighty engine that is to move the missionary work." — A.B. Simpson

"If the Great Commission is true, our plans are not too big; they are too small." — Pat Morley

"To stay here and disobey God — I can't afford to take the consequence. I would rather go and obey God than to stay here and know that I disobeyed." — Amanda Berry Smith

"I believe that in each generation God has called enough men and women to evangelize all the yet unreached tribes of the earth. It is not God who does not call. It is man who will not respond!" — Isobel Kuhn, missionary to China and Thailand

"God is a God of missions. He wills missions. He commands missions. He demands missions. He made missions possible through His Son. He made missions actual in sending the Holy Spirit."

And what about this one:

 Matthew 28:18-20

 "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."- Jesus

airport

So I think this is how my trip is panning out- I'm currently sitting in Oakland, CA waiting for my flight to Seattle. Then I head to the East Coast (CT, NY, NJ) but mostly Jersey, and from there back to Nor Cal- then to So. Cal for a few days. Confusing? It's confusing explaining this over and over again. In fact, I'm pretty much done talking about myself. I don't even know what to say anymore when people ask me about stuff, but I want to talk to people and tell stories and catch up- it's hard! I want to though, but I feel like I've spent my words even if they're from my heart. Right now, I'm culture shocked and I'm homesick for So. Cal. I can't have enough time back here to do all of the things I want to do and I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with it. I know it's all a blessing but it's just kind of hard. I'm hoping and praying everyone is patient with me and that I have room to grow. For now, my heart and head are like this: woeirhujbfkj93458@ytgfkjnvlw02$24r956&*(^tyhgjojkgbrug

Does that make sense? It doesn't to me either. It will in hindsight so that's good enough for me. For now, yay Seattle! I'll have some time to really start updating this baby pretty soon. If I'm going to be somewhere near where you are, email me jen.rydzik@gmail.com and we'll connect. Hasta adai.

Dear Southern California,

       My time here with you is coming to an end, at least for this leg...and I have been having an incredible time. So incredible that I can't even really explain all of the amazing things I've been able to participate in, in so short of a time. My blogging will resume when I make it back east in a few days.

                                                                                           Love,    Jen

love this

Today was awesome. Nicole and I got to spend some great quality time together while supporting a great cause. Nicole wore hers to the event, and I grabbed my own pair. A pair of awesome and comfy shoes for me = a pair of awesome and comfy shoes for a kid in need. How great is that!

Everything we have is His and sometimes what we get to have is a blessing to others as well.

updates again!

So much has happened since I've last blogged:

1. I moved into a new apartment.

2. I booked standby tickets to California.

4. I finished up my part of my class.

5. I detoxed (yep, see below) off sugars, dairy, and grains.

and...

6. I made it safely to the states on all of my first choice flights. What an amazing ten plus days! I will start updating soon. Thank you so much for your prayers and support- this has been such a cool month.

Here we go....again

I am sick of sugar and red meat (I type as I just ate some M&Ms and received another bag as a gift a few minutes ago). My system is over all of this stuff, so I am starting to detox tonight at about 10pm. A small "secret society" of three of us will be detoxing for the next, oh, week or so. We're going to hold each other accountable, encourage each other, and get the junk food sugars, simple carbs, red meat, etc out of our system. I want to be in good condition when I see Dr. Shannon in a week or so. If you live in So. Cal by the way, and have yet to see her, you have to go- it will change your life (see my diet blog for more info).

So anyway, this time around I'm really excited about detoxing. I've OD'ed on sugars and red meats and am definitely ready. I've also dealt with some spiritual issues this past week, but today was a day of confirmation that I'm on the path God wants me to be on, or that I'm at least doing something pleasing to Him. I feel like I'm in a good place in that sense.

The reason I mention this is that when someone fasts or detoxes, there can be a ton of spiritual and mental craziness that happens as their body releases all of the toxins and viruses. Detoxing can and will make a person physically and emotionally sick (actually, we stay sick when we have all of that stuff in our system, and we just don't really realize it). I think that I'm ready to endure the few days of that followed by many, many days of staying on track and feeling awesome. I am hoping to get back on my lifelong diet (aka way of eating) again, even though it's so hard to do on Guam and will be kind of hard when I get home for a short time. All I know is that I need to go back with a clear head and clear physical standing.

My detox will include:
60+ oz water daily
8 hours of sleep per evening
1-2 hours exercising a day
Tons of veggies and fruits and poultry/fish
Oatmeal
Squash and potatoes
olive oil
vitamins (at this time, whatever I have- mostly calcium, vit. D)
Green and white non-sweetened teas

My detox will exclude:
soda and juices
refined sugars
red meats
giving into eating whatever I want
breads and breaded things
DAIRY

I do this about 4 times a year because I'm such a yo-yo'er.  When I'm in California, it's easy to stay clean longer. Guam has been challenging, but there's too many factors and that's for another day.


If you pray for me, pray for my two friends and me as we go through about 7-10 days of some hard stuff. Pray I am satisfied in Christ rather than in sugar. And for those of you who've sent me sugary things, I still thank you greatly and love you! Seriously, M&Ms are my favorite, and are always welcome in a care package. Birthday cake is my other favorite, but it just so happens that birthday cake and M&Ms have been a daily thing for too long and now I need to go back to moderation. I'll update you as I go along.

*Check out my blog from the last time I did this, and really, the last time I struggled with food as an emotional and physical thing together (which is really good!) 12 Steps

Bear B.

 

This is Bear, Sarah, and me. Sarah is my new roommate and Bear is our addition. We have been too blessed with this little guy and can't wait to have the company (security) of having a dog on Guam. Even though he's more responsibility, having him gives us so much more freedom as women on the island. 

Our friend Libby made this cute collage.

Leadership

  I started reading the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell this past week. I am really excited about this book, as I'm trying to develop my leadership skills. This has been a great read so far, for the Christian and secular world. I have had many leadership positions practically my whole life. I think it started when I was two or so, in dealing with my baby sister and my pets up until training people in restaurant positions and teaching. I know that many of us are natural born leaders, but there is so much to be said in dealing with people the right way, in a way that makes them want to follow. Being here in Guam, I've realized the responsibility of a leadership role and how much comes with it. I've also learned to back down and let other people lead, and from what I'm learning right now, a good combination of leadership skills from the strengths of a group of people (as our Student Life Team was described).

I have been trying to refine my leadership skills to be more Christ-like (which thankfully I have the Bible as the perfect reference). The older I get, the more I realize I really don't know anything, and there is so much left to learn. Thank God that I am learning through His gospel and that I am challenged on a daily basis.

If you're interested in checking out these laws, such as the Laws of Navigation, Respect, Solid Ground, etc, you can click on the book and it'll take you to Amazon.com. I'd also love to bounce what I've learned off of people and have accountability in applying my strengths and developing my weaknesses.I'm not a competitive person when it comes to success, but I feel like I need to keep up with myself and constantly challenge myself. This is my goal for the next two semesters (and lifelong, really).

I'd also love to suggest