Roaches, Bears, and Lions, and all of the blessings that come with

I'd have to say that James 1:2-4 has been on my heart a lot lately, and then it started appearing in places...prayer, Sunday school, Bible study, and I've noticed the places where God has been cultivating great things from otherwise unpleasant experiences. I'm going to tell you a story as a metaphor for what is happening in my life (inspired by another story I heard this evening), and I hope you catch on.

So, last year around this time, a roach crawled up through the drain of our bathtub and died (or so I thought) right there. My roommate at the time, who was (and still is) fearless with these things was staying with a girl she babysits for the weekend, and I pretty much needed to shower and couldn't do that with a roach in the tub. Anyway, I was hoping that when I got back someone would have somehow taken care of it. Well, when I got home, I had to deal with it because no one else did, and I really didn't want to. Worse, the roach was not really dead, it just managed to lay on its back (taking a nap??) for about 12+ hours. My other roommate gave me some tools and made me deal with it. I wasn't in any kind of place to deal with that kind of thing and I had no desire to. I looked at the experience of killing the roach as a gross one and some sort of island initiation.

A few months back, my new roommate Sarah and I moved into an apartment together. I had been praying for the entire year to have the feeling of having my own place again and I'm really pleased with the way things worked out. As a result, I have been wanting to face some challenges that I know will make me a stronger and more capable person living out here in Guam. One of the things I prayed for is to not be afraid of insects but to be able to deal with them. Well, that kind of thing seems to be a process. How do we get stronger? I believe there are two things: the Holy Spirit, and experience. I have had a few experiences with roaches and every time I have more peace about killing them and disposing of them, and the process becomes easier and more automatic. I used to never even kill anything using a shoe, and when I was in Chuuk I had to restrain myself from trying to kill innocent spiders outside in their own habitat.

At Bible study last night, we talked about David and Goliath. David said that he was prepared for Goliath from certain experiences such as going after lions and bears to rescue his sheep. When questioned/doubted,

 "David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock,  I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."" 1 Samuel 17:34-37 NIV

I doubt that David knew that these experiences would prepare him to attack a giant man in battle, but God knew all along that He was raising up a servant that would defy humanly expectations but completely glorify God in strength that was built from the heart outward. I know roaches aren't bears and lions, but to me, they are an example of what I feel like I'm up against, minimally, in an effort to serve, worship, and glorify our living God. They are filthy and every time I deal with one, I'm not really happy about it. It's not like I'm saving Christ's sheep, I'm just selfishly keeping my own space clean. David really went after what God gave him to honor and protect. Perhaps I'm honoring and protecting my place, but, seriously?

 James 1:2-4 says  ^"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ESV

Being able to handle island issues is part of my developing character living on an island. This and other issues, such as cultural ones and daily adjustments, will be used in my life in the long run. I'm not ashamed to say I'm learning how to kill these bugs. I am disappointed that I can write a lengthy blog on a minimal experience I had with an unimportant creature when I could have been sharing the truth of God's love and things He has been doing in my life instead. Last year, I had a lot to share yet really, nothing of depth to speak of other than the ways I saw God work in my life. Knowledge and understanding Him? I'm not sure I really had that to the capacity I could have. I also didn't go above and beyond in ways that would help me grow. I was stuck on adjustment and lost focus here and there.

Now, I know what I have to do and what God has called me to do.  I'm working on knowing God. I'm memorizing scripture, learning how to study more effectively, in Bible study(ies) and praying for my future in ways I never thought of. God is giving me knowledge and tools, slowing my speaking reactions, sharpening my listening and giving me models of godly character, just to name a few. I feel convicted left and right but it's all blessing. All of it. I know that God is moving in huge ways in my life and every trial, every struggle, I feel like I have prayed for in advance. Whether it's growing in menial ways around the house to tremendous excitement for furthering God's kingdom, I see Him working and making me usable.

Looking back at last year, I'd never want to relive it, but I am so thankful for the incredible blessings and the refining that have come from my experiences. I now fully understand the savign power of the gospel, as it has save me,  and I am valuing and pursuing prayer (alone and in group) more than ever. I am thankful for the roaches, lions, bears, and giants in my own life, and that I know that God use these things to complete a good work in me (Philippians 1:6) and allow me to grow spiritually mature (James 1:4). I'm so thankful that my focus has reshifted, and that God is starting to do these things in me. I couldn't do it without Him and I wouldn't be equipped without Him. Now, I know both presence and the protection (Ephesians 6:11-20, Hebrews 4:12) in Christ and am willing...craving...to go deeper. The pain and growth are blessings, and the lessons will be used whether I realize it or not later on in my life. For that, I'm so thankful, and to quote a song I can't get out of my head, "sweetly broken."